Ray traveled to China immediately after attending an international business conference in Mexico City. He had no idea that officials of the Chinese government would be waiting to shuttle him away to a quarantine facility at a remote military base.

“It’s really kind of funny,” said the 2006 GN High-Five Achievement Award winner. “I was kidding around with an attractive flight attendant and tried to tell her that she was making me hot. Well, I guess my Mandarin is a little rusty and she thought I said I had a fever. Can you imagine my surprise when three uniformed security agents pulled me off the plane when it landed? They were wearing surgical masks and shouting at me. It really was pretty terrifying, until they shot me with that tranquilizer dart.”

As an official guest of the Chinese government for three weeks, Ray had the opportunity to develop friendships with several other quarantined travelers. “There wasn’t much to do. The television only had one channel and the there’s only so many games of solitaire you can play. Plus some of the cards were missing from the deck they had in the common room.”

Chinese officials stated that precautions to prevent the spread of the H1N1 (Swine Flu) virus was the reason for the quarantine of Ray and two other American business travelers. Doctors who have examined Ray since his return report that he was never exposed to Swine Flu. While several of the other travelers claim to suffer from recurring nightmares, Ray is in perfect health.

“I’m just happy to home,” said Ray. “I know it sounds corny, but I really missed my mom.”

A message from Chris Coe, Global Nemesis VP of Human Resources

It has been brought to my attention that several employees of Global Nemesis (and/or closely related business units) were recently contacted by leftist filmmaker Michael Moore regarding his current project, Jassman Shrugged. The “documentary” will supposedly attempt to malign and sully the reputation of Global Nemesis and our CEO Mr. Jassman in the most sophomoric and scatological ways imaginable, similar to the hatchet jobs that were meted out to General Motors, George W. Bush, and other fine, upstanding American institutions in Mr. Moore’s previous works.

While Global Nemesis management would never dream of attempting to limit or infringe on our employees’ First Amendment right (applies to employees in the United States only) to Freedom of Speech, we feel it is important to issue a reminder of the Conflict of Interest Disclosures and Confidentiality Agreements signed by each and every employee.

Any employee who knowing discloses the confidential intellectual property of Global Nemesis, or accepts any form of remuneration for discussing any company-related issues with any outside source may face immediate termination of employment. Please consider this before you agree to allow a rotund jackanape to shove a microphone into your face and ask you inappropriate questions about a man that many of us have come to love like a father, brother, nephew, what have you.

If any of you are not familiar with Michael Moore, here is a clip of him urging an audience to redistribute America’s wealth.

Last summer, my grand-daughter Mindy Jassman approached me with a new business concept. Her idea was to create new and innovative products for the pre-teen and tween markets.

Mindy and I met with the board of directors and we agreed to see where a young entrepreneur could go with the limited support of a global enterprise like Global Nemesis.

After a series of starts and stops, it appears that Mindy has struck gold with her new line of Adam Lambert products, which includes clothing, buttons, jewelry, and hair products.

Mindy has partnered with retailers Hot Topic and CafePress to distibute a complete line of Adam Lambert merchandise. And, this stuff is selling like gangbusters! 

“I’m like so totally mad for Adam and all the other girls are, too,” says Mindy. “I just love his hair and his dark nail polish. I have been getting so many compliments about my new Adam Lambert hairdo and the buttons we’re selling on CafePress. I wanted to wear my makeup like Adam, but my mom says it makes me look like a whore. Duh! Adam’s makeup is like the coolest thing ever. Adam is hot!”

It simply warms my heart to see Mindy following in the Jassman family tradition and bringing a new brand to Global Nemesis. Thanks in part to Mindy, Adam Lambert was signed to an exclusive deal with Global Nemesis Universal (GNU) a few days ago. We look forward to working with Adam. He reminds me of another artist who did quite well working for us, Michael Jackson.

Division VP Bob Smiley credits Global Nemesis ME’s unprecedented achievement to an outstanding product and an innovative marketing campaign.

“We’re simply providing a product in an ever expanding market,” said Smiley at last night’s awards dinner in Cincinatti, Ohio. “Then, we have a rock solid marketing plan.”

CEO Hugh Jassman presented Smiley and the employees of Global Nemesis ME with an outstanding achievement award.

“It is simply amazing how much this division has grown in size and girth,” said Jassman. “Every quarter I see the numbers rise, getting harder and harder to ignore that this is the product of the future.”

“We simply could not have reached the huge proportions and the magnitude we’ve accomplished without the brilliant work of our email marketing team in Croatia,” Smiley continued. “They continue to come up with some of the most brilliant subject lines ever writtten. From the legendary Do you want enalarge yours p3n1s up to 4 inches bz and the highly successful She won?t be needing of magnifying glass anymore to find your instrument to the more recent raise your sweet bed event with help of famos tablet, we simply could not be where we are today without them.”

“Global Nemesis ME is all about growth and staying power,” concluded Smiley.

For more information about Global Nemesis ME, visit the division’s Internet site: http://male-enhancement-123.com